You guys, I literally google searched "how to rediscover yourself". Lately I've been feeling like I don't know who I am. I know who I am as a daughter of God, a wife, and a mom. But beyond that, I just don't feel like I have anything that "defines me". I enjoy music, but I'm not really that great at it. I like crafting/diy stuff but again, I'm not super great at it or creative (when it comes to having original ideas). I love photography but again, I don't really have all the know-how/skills (yet. I want to learn) to be really good at it.
And with all of these things I like, there's the matter of time. I just don't feel like I have time. Myra is just under 3 months and she's still really needy for me. Sometimes she even cries for Michael and only wants me. Because of this, I don't feel like I can leave her with Michael or a sitter to take an hour or two to do something for me.
Lately I've been feeling really lonely and friendless. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled having casual conversations with people (yes, I often wonder how I was able to get Michael to fall for me, stick around and marry me if I never know what to talk about). Tonight I seriously also google searched "how to keep a conversation going" (or something like that). I just can't believe I even have this problem but anyway I think there's two big reasons why I do. One, lack of confidence. Always been a struggle for me, and a constant battle to overcome. Two, I don't feel like I have anything to talk about (which, in part, probably comes back to confidence...). I love being a mom. LOVE it. But at the end of the day I feel like the only thing I can say is, "yep, I changed 10 diapers today, woo!"
I feel like the only thing going for me, or that I'm "good at", is making cute kids (because let's be honest, they're adorable). I'm stuck in a huge rut and I just don't know how to get out of it.
1 comment :
I love you .
Post a Comment